Connection First: How Emotional Intelligence Builds Better Leaders

The idea of "connection first" is an important principle we believe in at Mayo Biz Coaching. We can sift through data, history, trends, and the world unfolding in front of us. But at the end of the day, leadership comes down to people. Know your people and let them know you as a leader.

Hubert Joly, the former CEO who led Best Buy's remarkable turnaround, calls this "human magic." In his book The Heart of Business, Joly argues that humans are not a resource to be managed, but rather the creative engine of innovation and change that companies urgently need. When leaders identify what motivates their people and free them to pursue it, something remarkable happens.

In a world driven by metrics and analysis, it is easy for leaders to lose sight of the most powerful engine of success: their people. We often forget that leadership is a human endeavor. The most effective leaders do not just manage tasks. They master the art of connection.

Why Emotional Intelligence Matters More Than Ever

The path to building a truly brilliant, high-performing team is paved with Emotional Intelligence. EI is not a soft skill. It is a critical competence that determines whether a team survives a crisis or thrives through change.

Research backs this up. According to Harvard Business School, 71 percent of employers now value emotional intelligence more than technical skills when evaluating candidates. Daniel Goleman's research has shown that emotional intelligence is a more powerful determinant of good leadership than technical competence, IQ, or vision.

For leaders, Emotional Intelligence is the fundamental ability to understand and manage both your own emotions and the emotions of the people around you. It is what allows you to stay grounded when things get chaotic, to read a room accurately, and to respond in ways that build trust rather than erode it.

If you are ready to stop focusing on the transactional and start investing in the transformational, here are three essential pillars of EI that form the foundation for truly connecting with your team.

Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation: The Foundation of Calm Authority

Before you can understand your team, you must first understand yourself.

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize your own emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and values, and how they impact others. A self-aware leader knows their emotional triggers. They understand what situations cause them to react rather than respond. They recognize when stress is affecting their judgment.

Here is the challenge: according to organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich, 95 percent of people think they are self-aware, but only 10 to 15 percent actually are. Even more concerning, research suggests that managers and executives may be the least self-aware of all. The more power someone obtains, the more likely they are to overestimate how well they know themselves.

This matters because working with leaders who lack self-awareness can cut a team's success in half and lead to increased stress and decreased motivation.

Self-awareness opens the door to self-regulation, the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods. This is the essence of what we call Calm Authority. That quiet strength that inspires confidence and trust in a crisis. When you model a thoughtful, composed response instead of an emotional reaction, you signal to your team that the situation is manageable and that informed decisions will prevail.

Think about the last time you saw a leader lose their composure under pressure. What happened to the energy in the room? Now think about a leader who stayed steady when everything around them was uncertain. Which one would you follow into a difficult situation?

Self-regulation is not about suppressing emotions or pretending everything is fine when it is not. It is about choosing how you respond rather than reacting on autopilot. It is about creating space between stimulus and response so you can act with intention.

Empathy: Seek First to Understand

Empathy is the key to connection. It is the ability to recognize and deeply understand the emotional makeup of other people, especially when making decisions.

Stephen Covey called this Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. When a team member comes to you with a problem, your first job is not to offer a reply, but to listen with the intent to understand. To see the world through their perspective before jumping to solutions.

This is where active listening becomes essential. Active listening is more than staying quiet while someone talks. It means giving your full attention, asking clarifying questions, and reflecting back what you have heard to confirm understanding. It means putting away distractions, closing your laptop, and making the person in front of you feel like they are the most important thing in your world right now.

Research from the Center for Creative Leadership found that managers who practiced empathetic leadership toward their direct reports were viewed as better performers by their bosses. Their study of over 6,700 managers across 38 countries confirmed that empathy is directly tied to job performance. It is not a nice-to-have. It is essential.

When you actively listen and validate your people's feelings, you establish trust and gather the accurate information needed to solve problems collaboratively. You also communicate something powerful: that their perspective matters, that they are not just a means to an end.

Think about your weekly one-on-ones with your team members. When you practice empathy in these meetings, something remarkable happens. Your teammates become more willing to share what truly matters to them. The conversation shifts from a routine check-in to a meaningful dialogue where both parties learn and grow.

Social Skill: Building the Emotional Bank Account

Social skill, or relationship management, is the mastery of connecting and moving people in a desired direction. It is the cumulative effect of the first two pillars put into action.

One of the most practical applications of social skill is managing what Stephen Covey called the Emotional Bank Account. Every interaction with a team member is either a deposit or a withdrawal.

Deposits include:

• Praise and recognition for good work
• Giving focused time and attention
• Keeping your commitments
• Showing personal integrity
• Taking time to understand them as individuals
• Apologizing sincerely when you make a mistake

Withdrawals include:

• Corrections or reprimands
• Breaking promises
• Unclear expectations
• Dismissing their concerns

A wise leader focuses on making regular deposits so they have a strong balance of trust built up. This allows them to have the courage to address tough issues when necessary without sending the relationship into emotional overdraft.

Some research suggests that to maintain a truly healthy emotional bank account, you need to make about 20 deposits for every withdrawal. That ratio might seem high, but it reflects a simple truth: trust is built slowly and can be damaged quickly.

The art of relationship management is ensuring your team feels valued, understood, and motivated to achieve for the sake of the work itself. When people feel genuinely appreciated, they bring discretionary effort. They go beyond what is required because they want to, not because they have to.

The Ripple Effect of Leading with Connection

When you commit to connection first leadership, you create a ripple effect throughout your organization and personal life. Team members feel valued and respected, which increases their engagement and loyalty. Innovation flourishes because people feel safe sharing new ideas without fear of judgment. Conflicts are resolved more effectively because all parties feel heard and understood.

The energy and synergy created when people feel truly heard is remarkable. You are not just managing a team. You are helping each person find their brilliance and contribute their best work.

And here is the thing: emotional intelligence builds trust. Trust is what makes strong relationships work. When people know you will truly listen to them, they are more willing to be honest, take risks, and invest themselves fully in shared goals. That is where human magic happens.

Developing Your Emotional Intelligence

You may be born with a certain level of Emotional Intelligence, but these skills can be strengthened through persistence, deliberate practice, and targeted feedback.

Start small. Perhaps with your next one-on-one meeting or conversation with a colleague. Make a conscious effort to implement the components we have discussed. Notice how the dynamic of your conversations changes. Pay attention to what happens when you pause before responding, when you ask a follow-up question instead of jumping to advice, when you acknowledge someone's feelings before trying to fix their problem.

The growth you experience as a listener will strengthen every relationship and every aspect of your leadership. Your people will notice the difference, not just in words but through their increased engagement, innovation, and loyalty.

How a Coach Can Accelerate Your Growth

This is where the support of a coach becomes invaluable. A coach offers the objective perspective, targeted feedback, and accountability structure needed to turn theory into integrated habit. Working with a business coach can help you:

Gain Deeper Self-Awareness: Identify your blind spots and emotional defaults that you cannot see on your own.

Practice with Purpose: Work through challenging conversations in a safe environment to sharpen your social skills.

Establish a Game Plan: Create the habits and systems needed to ensure you are consistently making deposits in your team's emotional bank accounts.

Developing emotional intelligence is not about becoming a different person. It is about becoming more aware, more intentional, and more connected. It is about helping you and your team find your brilliance together.

Let's Build Brilliance Together

If you are ready to shift your focus, deepen your connections, and develop the emotional intelligence that creates lasting impact, Mayo Biz Coaching and Consulting is here to partner with you.

Contact us today to explore how we can work together to elevate your leadership presence and help your team find their brilliance.